To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it!
The world is like a ride at an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round; it has thrills and chills and it's very brightly colored and it's very loud and it's fun... for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: "Is this real, or is this just a ride?" And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, and they say, "Hey - don't worry, don't be afraid -EVER- because, this is just a ride." And we... KILL those people HAHAHA! "Shut him up! We have a lot invested in this ride - SHUT HIM UP! Look at my furrows of worry! Look at my big bank account, and my family! This just HAS to be real!"... But it's just a ride. And we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok? Jesus - murdered; Martin Luther King - murdered; Malcolm X - murdered; Gandhi - murdered; John Lennon - murdered; Reagan... wounded HAHA! But it doesn't matter because: It's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride: Take all that money that we spend on weapons and defense each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, NOT ONE HUMAN BEING EXCLUDED, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.
The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven
Comedy is like boxing. All those little Open Mics are just little fighters that you're fighting along the way to get to the title
That which is most personal is most general. The more authentic you become, the more genuine in your expression, particularly regarding personal experiences and even self-doubts, the more people can relate to your expression and the safer it makes them feel to express themselves.
It's extraordinary to me when you get a laugh. That you can go in front of a bunch of people you never met before, you can say some stuff and they all laugh in unison - that's amazing. It's a miracle
If I had never ventured beyond being a stand-up comic, then I would be sitting in my house today working on my Leonardo DiCaprio impression
Occasionally, people get upset because they don't think it's funny. Somebody asked me "Bill why can't you do things that appeal to everybody?" well that's impossible! What a burden! I will please all people! No one's done that yet. What am I supposed to do, change my beliefs and attitude for them? To be what to them?
I honestly believe we are all the same. It's condescending to say "I will give them what THEY want". "You are all a bunch of idiots so I will do things I don't believe in to amuse you"
"Sit down and put down everything that comes into your head and then you're a writer. But an author is one who can judge his own stuff's worth, without pity, and destroy most of it."